Fox's new Wall Street soap "The $treet" spends most of its premiere episode in the gutter.
From its opening scene of market hotshot Jack Kenderson (Tom Everett Scott) in a state of ecstasy as his fiancee (Nina Garbiras) wiggles beneath the covers of their bed, "The $treet" oozes sexuality.
If it's not a male chauvinist making rude comments, then it's goofy Evan Mitchell (Adam Goldberg) lusting after a stripper who resembles Xena.
Who knew playing the stock market could be so sexy?
Certainly not the folks at TNT's "Bull," a much more sober, thoughtful drama set in a Wall Street firm. "Bull" is a grown-up drama compared to "The $treet," which comes off as a horny, bratty teen-ager.
"The $treet" is tawdry, but it may ultimately make for a better soap opera than NBC's "Titans," which is so contrived and so poorly written, it's pathetic. Not that the writing (by series creators Jeff Rake and Darren Star) in tonight's "$treet" premiere is anything to brag about, but at least it introduces the season's sleaziest villain.
Balmont Stevens salesman Freddie Sacker (Rick Hoffman) is slime. No two ways about it. Viewers meet him in an elevator as his company's new vice president of sales, Catherine Miller (Jennifer Connelly), stands in front of him, her back to him.
"This elevator's not the only thing that's going ... up," Freddie whispers to Jack.
As they enter their office, Freddie lets a glass door swing shut on Catherine, saying, "They don't want you to hold it. It's a feminazi thing."
Freddie's bad news, but in a J.R. Ewing kind of way. You love to hate him. He's balanced by Jack and especially kewpie-faced trainee Tim Sherman (Christian Campbell, Neve's brother).
Other members of the firm include stern silent boss Tom Divack (Giancarlo Esposito) and former Navy SEAL Chris McConnell (Sean Maher), who had a fling with company receptionist Donna Pasqua (Melissa De Sousa).
After we see five of the nine regular cast members in tonight's episode having sex (don't worry, no one's going solo; one is with a guest star, so it's three couples total), it should come as no surprise that the stock offering du jour is sex-oriented.
The traders roll out an IPO for Ivy Gene, a Web site that peddles "the semen and eggs of Ivy League graduates." At one point, the company's founder is heard to argue, "Yale sperm is worth more than Penn sperm, anyone call tell you that."
Those with a high tolerance for the ick factor might enjoy heading down this salacious "$treet." Anyone else is likely to kick "The $treet" to the curb.
Rob Owen can be reached at 412-263-2582 or firstname.lastname@example.org. Post questions or comments about TV to www.post-gazette.com/tv under PG Online Talk.