Donald Hammonds could easily pass for a decade younger than his 52 years. A trim, well-manicured man who laughs with knee-slapping abandon, the Post-Gazette's automotive critic balances a dapper appearance with a graceful world-weariness. He has made his living in newspapers for 30 years, but he's yet to acquire the knack for petty cynicism.
Though articulate to a fault, Donald is never highfalutin in his use of the king's English. You can hear traces of his native St. Louis when he speaks, especially his emphasis on the middle syllable of words like "im-POR-tant."
Though possessed of a buttoned-down dignity in keeping with the demeanor of the Midwestern men of his generation, Donald isn't inhibited by the ideological constraints imposed on him by either the black or gay communities. He's always been his own man -- fiscally conservative, morally temperate, a devout Christian, pro-life, a proud father of two boys and a committed life partner to Joey Chekanowsky, whom he's been with for nearly 19 years.
Donald, who doesn't even mind school prayer, has enough social reserve to qualify as a conservative Republican if only Republicans like Rick Santorum, the junior senator from Pennsylvania, could imagine gay people as something other than second-class citizens out to corrupt the integrity of the family.
When asked what he thought of the Texas anti-sodomy ruling struck down by the Supreme Court last month, Don emitted a good-natured sigh reserved for well-intentioned straight friends who, like Santorum, imagine gays skipping merrily down the marital aisle en masse.
"The thing that bothers me most is this notion that somehow gay couples want to emulate the characteristics and structure of straight marriage," he said, scoffing at Santorum's opinion piece about the Supreme Court's verdict in a recent USA Today.
"We all have our individual expressions of how we want to live our lives. We've found that because we're two men in a relationship, all the definitions about how a relationship works are up for negotiation much more so than would be the case with a heterosexual marriage."
More amused than threatened by Santorum's call for a constitutional amendment to ban gay marriage, Donald was philosophical. "I don't need a ceremony to have my relationship legitimized," he said, adding that nearly two decades with the same person is validation enough.
"The idea of rushing off to Canada to get married is pointless if the relationship won't be recognized in this country. A ceremony without legal clout and benefits is a time-waster."
Rather than pining for weddings with all the trimmings, Donald said he's more in favor of civil unions that would entail recognition of gay relationships in terms of financial and legal considerations.
"I don't think heterosexual and gay relationships necessarily equate in how they actually function," Donald said, adding that he and Joey have different views on whether going to Canada to get hitched makes practical sense. He acknowledges that his views probably aren't typical of many other gays and lesbians, either.
Addressing Santorum's fear of expanding privacy rights outside the context of traditional marriage, Donald seemed genuinely puzzled. "What no one has been able to make clear is how the granting of rights to me and my partner threatens other people who are married.
"We have no impact on how straight people live in their homes," he said.
"We have no ability to harm their children. People in conventional relationships will continue to have the same rights they've always had. They will still get married. They can still divorce. If they have poor judgment, they can still cheat on each other. They can also have happy, mutually satisfying relationships. The granting of rights and privileges to [gays and lesbians] won't negate the rights and privileges granted to others."
Donald believes the idea that gays are obsessed with getting married has created a false sense of crisis in conservative circles where it is mercilessly held up as a fund-raising issue.
This fear is echoed in liberal circles where Democrats, fearing tolerance will boomerang at the polls, are increasingly defensive about the issue. That's why Donald is skeptical about the idea of Democrats as natural allies. Consequently, the only issue on his "gay agenda" is equality. As usual, he'll vote accordingly.
Tony Norman can be reached at tnorman@post-gazette.com or 412-263-1631.
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