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Monday, November 25, 2002

Veterans of transit wars as well as conscientious objectors might recall that my previous column detailed atrocities committed by the Port Authority and its patrons and contained a five-point plan to get us out of the quagmire. The centerpiece was my pie-in-the-sky suggestion that our troubled transit operation increase ridership by instructing drivers TO PICK UP PEOPLE.

I used the example of a flamboyantly hostile driver who shut the door in my face, then gave me crap after I beat her to the next stop in Downtown traffic. This experience was topped off nicely by my complaint call to a Port Authority customer service rep who did an excellent impression of a bored woman doing her nails.

Here are the latest developments from the war front:

The Authority responded with profuse apologies but no particulars that would inspire confidence it has a handle on problem drivers (a high-profile minority) or the frustrating complaint system. "The complaint was discussed with the operator in accordance with Port Authority procedure," read the letter to me. Uh, OK, thanks.

There is good news. In the past month, I have been passed up only three times. (To be fair, I was picked up 40 times; one stellar driver stopped in mid-block after I had given up on making it to the stop.) Two of the pass-bys were pulled off by the same guy on the troublesome 61C. One pass-by required great concentration on the part of the driver, who had to stop for a red light where I was standing. But he kept his cool while I knocked on the door -- in fact, his head never even twitched in my direction -- and made a clean get-away. Yes, there were standees but enough room for several lightweight columnists.

The column inspired many Port Authority victims to come forward. Some had helpful revenue-enhancement ideas, such as painting the outside of jam-packed buses to look like sardine cans and selling the advertising rights. Dick Kraft of Bethel Park thought the Port Authority might attract riders by putting a lottery booth on each bus or running strap-hanger bars down the center of the aisle so fitness buffs could do pull-ups. Mary Ann LaRoche of Munhall wants to improve transit life by isolating music-blasting head phone-wearers in soundproof areas with the irritating cell phoners.

But, best of all, were the war stories. Here are a few:

Janine Peiritsch, Beechview: One snowy morning, I walked 3/4 of a mile in single-digit temperatures only to have the subway go by me at the Fallowfield stop. When I finally got to work, I called Port Authority to ask how much of a bonus drivers got for each rider they stranded. The woman said she didn't think they got a bonus. When they were coming up with a new slogan a few years ago, I suggested: "Port Authority: Nothing can stop us, not even riders."

Susan Guerrieri, Plum: One day, I fell asleep on the bus home and was awakened by this from the bus driver: "Don't forget, today is Nov. 1, so make sure you have the right bus pass!"

I was in a panic. As an annual pass holder, I pay in advance, and passes are mailed monthly. I had left my new pass at home! If the driver in the morning had mentioned it, I would have gotten off, gotten my pass and taken a later bus. But it was my stupidity, so I opened my wallet to pay. I had a $20 bill (drivers don't make change) and 13 cents.

When my stop came, I was so embarrassed I waited until everyone else got off and whispered to the driver that I was an annual pass holder, had forgotten my pass, had no money and was very sorry. She boomed, "PAY THE FARE. $2.30." I quietly told her I didn't have it. "DIDN'T YOU HEAR THE ANNOUNCEMENT? THAT'S WHY I TOLD EVERYONE THIS WAS THE FIRST OF THE MONTH."

I was so shocked that, although I am not combative, I said, "What good did that announcement do when we were on the bus and three-quarters of the way home?"

"PAY THE FARE!"

"I don't have it."

"GIVE ME WHAT YOU HAVE."

I put in my 13 cents while she continued hollering at me. By now, embarrassment had turned to rage. I showed her my $20 and said, "You're not getting this."

She said, "GOOD. I DON'T WANT IT." I got off in tears. When I got home, crying hysterically, I called Port Authority customer service. The representative could tell I was distraught. But she justified the driver's behavior, then put on a supervisor. The supervisor agreed with the rep. "After all, anyone could say they forgot their pass."

But what about the fact that I ride every day? That I pay a year in advance? That I tried to keep it quiet? Her reply: "The driver acted properly. In fact, she would have been justified in pulling over the bus and waiting for the police if you didn't pay the fare. That is what she should have done."

After I calmed down following my threat of arrest, I opened my briefcase to find a bag of coins I was bringing home from a cookie sale. In my panic, I had forgotten that money. So, I had the fare after all!

Pat Jennings, Rosslyn Farms: A while back, my husband took the bus into town to go to the dentist. As he tried to get off, he couldn't move. Try as he might, he couldn't stand up. Then he realized that a spring had punctured his trousers. A nearby passenger had to extricate him and, fortunately, did so by the time the bus reached his stop. There was a 6-inch tear in his trousers.

Kate Yost, Kennedy: I have written to PA(T) asking for seat cushions -- it's tough to ride on springs; for drivers to at least slow down and let me hitch a ride on the bumper; and to ask where in the heck several buses have gone. Does Pittsburgh have its own version of the Bermuda Triangle?

Larry Diersen, Monroeville: I have witnessed drivers browbeat confused first-time riders. I've been challenged to a fistfight by a driver when I commented that she had just caused a car accident. Apparently the drivers union is so strong the Port Authority cannot get rid of the bad eggs, or it does not care. Once you are hardened, riding the bus is bearable, economical and sometimes entertaining. The problem arises when first-time riders deal with a bad driver. Plenty of them would never consider riding again.

Bernice Levine, Oakland: I recently had two good experiences. One was when I walked out of the Pittsburgh Playhouse in Oakland at 10:30 p.m. and found that Forbes Avenue, where I had parked, was devoid of cars. I brilliantly deduced that my car had been towed. Fortunately, a bus came along. Though neither my friend nor I had our bus passes, the driver allowed us to board. I asked where the Oakland police station was. The driver put the question to the derelicts (only kidding) at the back of the bus. One kind soul shouted, "Go to the 'O,' meaning, as any Pittsburgher would know, the Original Hot Dog shop. We got off at Bouquet, went in and, indeed, an officer was there. He also was kind. He made a couple of phone calls and said the auto pound was closed and that I should retrieve my vehicle the next day.

The second time, a PAT driver was in the left turn lane on Forbes near Craig, (not an official bus stop) and I boldly walked up and, looking forlorn, asked if I could board. The kind driver said it was not an official stop but did let me on, perhaps because I was with my sister who was using a cane. So, Peter, a combination of being over 70 and using a cane will help in these situations.