Friday, November 28, 2003

MISSY ELLIOTT
'THIS IS NOT A TEST' (ELEKTRA)

Before she gets hr freak on, Missy Elliott begins her latest effort, "This Is Not a Test," on a serious note. "As I grab my pad and pen and begin to talk from within/Oh God how my eyes they water like a preacher who's sinned." Before the track is out, she's given shout-outs to Lisa, Biggie, Pac, Big Pun and "anyone we've lost in life on 9-11." Then, she drops the bomb her own damn self on track two, the Missy-produced "Pass the Dutch," with an intro that warns of an unknown virus attacking the clubs (symptoms -- heavy breathing, wild dancing, coughing) before introducing a solid contender for the most infectious dance-floor-packing use of handclaps since that Santa Esmerelda Hispani-sized cover of "Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood." It's funny, too. She says she'll take your man and "hang him out the window/Call me Michael Jackson," welcomes you to call her Rerun ("Hey, hey, hey") and finds herself "under attack like my name was Saddam."

And just like that, the party's on. Nearly all the album's highlights, of which there are many, follow a similar formula -- crazy beats, eccentric production full of car alarms, clanging metal and horses, explicit acknowledgments of her sexual prowess and musical genius, often at the same time (see "I'm Really Hot," "Ask your man how I'm good in handcuffs," "Don't you hear the music pumping hard like I wish you would?") and free-flowing pop culture references ("Whatchu talkin' 'bout Willis?" "I don't French kiss unless it 50 Cent," "Like Kobe and Shaq if they left Lakers," etc.). "Toyz," in which she's "just discovered something better than you," makes Britney Spears' new masturbation anthem seem discreet after only a week. She kicks it old-school, with shout-outs to Shante and Lyte and a smack-down to sucka MC's who "swear you're hip-hop but don't know Daddy Kane," on the aptly-titled minimalist groove of "Let it Bump." "Let Me Fix My Weave," the album's most eccentric cut, is the biggest smile since Andre dropped "The Love Below." And even when she slows it down to get intimate, complaining that "the sex don't feel the same" as it did the first time on "Is This Our Last Time" or singing the praises of one true love on "It's Real," she backs it with beats as fresh as any of her sexed-up party tracks.

No hip-hop party is complete without a guest list, of course, and "This Is Not a Test," is no exception. But the guest appearances are mixed. Fabolous is funny when he plays it coy and Jay-Z lives up to the boast that "I kick game just like David Beckham." But dancehall toasters Beenie Man and The Elephant Man are, at best, a distraction. And Nelly doesn't add much more than country grammar to the sex rap "Pump It Up." The beauty of "Dats What I'm Talkin About," her squeaky, sticky-sweet duet with R. Kelly, is in the ear of the beholder. I think it's cute. But I can see why other people hate it. Love it or hate it, though, you have to admit it's kind of interesting -- creepy, but interesting -- the way her voice sounds so much younger and more innocent in Kelly's presence. It's as though she's playing to his taste in women ... I mean, girls.

-- Ed Masley

JAY-Z
'THE BLACK ALBUM' (ROC-A-FELLA)

OK, what's up with the hip-hop retirement records? What exactly are Jay-Z and DMX planning to do, anyway, move down to West Palm and join the shuffleboard league?

If that's the case, and here's guessing it's not, at least they left us with nice parting gifts. Jay-Z, who rose to the top of the rap kingdom after the deaths of Biggie Smalls and Tupac, has been busy since 1996 making the kind of hit-filled records that have critics buzzing and cash registers blinging.

"The Black Album" is no exception, as it encompasses all the things that made Jay-Z rock: his cocksure attitude, sense of humor and hard-knock grit. It also works as a "victory lap" on his career -- starting from day one. His mom, Gloria Carter, opens "December 4th" to declare that Shawn, born on that day, weighed 10 pounds 8 ounces and, of her four children, was the "only one who didn't give me any pain when I gave birth to him."

Jay-Z then gets to the heart of "The Black Album" by explaining, "They say they never really miss you till you're dead or you're gone/so that's why I'm leaving after this song." But first he looks back on a happy life that changed when his dad left and then took shape again when his mom bought him a boom box.

Jay-Z then proceeds to shake your boom box (or iPod) with the best producers in the game: the Neptunes, Timbaland, Eminem, Kanye West and Rick Rubin, among them. The top half of "The Black Album" is about sealing Jay-Z's place in the hierarchy of rappers: "Pound for pound," he raps on "What More Can I Say," "I'm the best to ever come around." He even refers to himself as "rap's Grateful Dead."

After the breezy Neptunes-produced single, "Change Clothes," the beats get meaner with Timbaland's "Dirt Off Your Shoulder" and then he really gets down to business on "Moment of Clarity." With Eminem laying down a "Lose Yourself"-like track, Jay-Z makes peace with his estranged father and reflects on how money changed everything: "If skills sold, truth be told, I'd probably be/lyrically/Talib Kweli /Truthfully I want to rhyme like Common Sense/But I did five mil, I ain't been rhyming like Common since."

Rubin provides a monster rock beat for some of the most cutting rhymes on "99 Problems," which describes the pitfalls for a rich young black man driving down the street.

Jay-Z rides it out with "My 1st Song," rapping over a noir guitar riff about how his last song has all the fire of his first. And that's not an idle boast. Jay-Z is going out on top. But will he stay gone? There's got to be some "reasonable doubt."

-- Scott Mervis

THE COFFIN BANGERS
'ROT AND ROLL' (EERIE RECORDS)

There's a full moon out tonight as Erie punk veteran Bob Kellogg II of My 3 Scum fame leads his Coffin Bangers through a four-song tribute to the golden age of psychobilly. Consider the opening lyric: "When you see him in the cemetery/ He's comin' up on you/ He's lookin' mighty scary/ What will you do?/ His skin is blue/ Bloodthirsty zombie, yeah, has come to get you." So it's that kind of record -- which you more than likely could have figured out by looking at the cover, a cartoon of the Wolfman eyeing up a corpse out front and a hot green Mummy seductively stretching a leg out of her coffin on the back. What really seals the deal, though, is the music under all that horror-movie mayhem, led by Kellogg's turbo-charged approach to vintage surf and rockabilly licks. And if his shows with My 3 Scum are any indication, expect the band to tear it up with even more abandon tonight at the 31st Street Pub, where they're joined by the Wreckers, Pee Bee Bomonts and Bunny Five Coat.

-- Ed Masley

E-mail this story   Print this story