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Friday, October 05, 2001

Just how scary are the city's biggest Halloween attractions? We sent two young writers from their intended audience to find out.

U.S.S. Nightmare
Gateway Clipper Dock, Station Square
By Emily Fear, 16, South Park

Fear is all about perception, one's take on what exactly is scary. Some people fear spiders; others fear heights, or crowds, or the number 13, or dying alone, or dying at all. Those who fear nothing (nothing they will admit to) visit haunted houses.

The U.S.S. Nightmare is kind of like the Loveboat if the crew was all trying to scare the wits out of you instead of match you up with your special someone. You can feel the united effort among those working there. They want you to be terrified, so you'll tell your friends about it, and those friends will all want to come down to shell out 12 bucks for a horrifying experience.

The boat doesn't exactly live up to its name, at least not for horror house aficionados. Those well acquainted with the well-worn gimmicks of these places will not be surprised with anything they encounter. The closest thing to a new idea is the tube slide at the end of the attraction (you put your feet into a burlap sack and skid downwards about 20 feet), but this will hardly frighten the highly experienced.

It is worth saying, however, that claustrophobics need be aware. The passages are mostly dark and cramped, and on busy nights they can get backed up, causing the wait between chambers to be a horror all its own. And several of the hallways are completely black with little in the way of directions. People must feel their way around in these places, making careful attempts not to hit any of the boat's crew that may be lurking around the corner.

Young children may be easily frightened, especially considering how many ghastly characters were creeping around, just waiting for an anxious innocent to terrify.

This is an attraction for novices looking for a good, if short, scary time. At about a 15-minute tour for $12, haunted house veterans will probably not find the scares worth the price.

Fright Fest
I.C. Light Amphitheatre, Station Square
By Danielle Hoffman, 20, Squirrel Hill

Hoping to get a head start on my Halloween spirit, I headed down to Clear Channel Entertainment's 9th annual Fright Nights (formerly Fright Fest) at the I.C. Light Amphitheatre in Station Square, which has been transformed into a playground of screaming corpses, crazy clowns and creepy zombies.

While Fright Nights was certainly entertaining, many of the scares were more amusing than truly terrifying. Clear Channel is opting for a carnival atmosphere with midway games, caramel apples and popcorn and even a few free rides (including a mini-Ferris wheel). My favorite was the popular "dump the clown," featuring a colorful character with some very choice insults. Other distractions as we waited in infinitesimally long lines included a big-screen showing of "It," a rather inept stage magician and an assortment of ghouls stalking silently through the crowds.

Though this midway environment was fun, the three main attractions -- Black Hole, Clown Asylum in 3-D and Haunted House -- were not always worth the wait. The Black Hole, the Fright Fest's newest attraction, was plenty of fun with strobe lights, creepy characters and a few noteworthy scares. Most importantly, it showed creativity that the Clown Asylum lacked. While the 3-D glasses were fun at first, this particular haunted experience seemed to consist mostly of splatter paint and the halfhearted attempts of clowns to frighten us.

Unfortunately, after waiting in line for half an hour and realizing that we'd moved exactly a foot, we learned that one of the guests had sprayed a fire extinguisher in the Haunted House, so we were unable to walk through it. We were assured by several patrons, however, that it's the most terrifying and includes a costumed dog and more props and displays than either of the other attractions.

If you're looking for a mini-Kennywood experience, Fright Fest has its moments. But if genuine fear is your goal, hurry down to Blockbuster and rent "It."

Emily Fear and Danielle Hoffman are veterans of "Movies 'n' Music," a feature of the Post-Gazette's Web edition where local teens review concerts, CDs, film and video. Find "M'n'M" at www.post-gazette.com/mandm